Vacation ponderings

I learned a lot on our vacation. Three weeks of family and cold weather will teach ya something. The holidays are hard.

I have decided I spend too much time wasting energy on people that don't give back to me. This extends to both friends and family. I spend a lot of time keeping friendships and relationships going. I had a good look over the holidays at over how many of my relationships are amazing - and why I waste so much time on the others. I have friends and some of my family that are there for me and my kids all the time. They show over and over again that they love us and want to make sure our relationships continue.

In particular - my brother and my brother -in-law both put up spectacular showings this trip of how important our relationships are. In the face of other family and friend situations that illlustrate otherwise in very stark, obvious contrast - they stood up and showed us what family really can be. I'm so grateful for that glimpse... and I'm grabbing on to it with both fists and holding on tight.

I also came to realize that I'm ok with who I am. I have spent a long time being VERY worried about other people and what they thought of me and I often found myself measureing me through their eyes. I was able to look at me through my own eyes over the past couple of weeks and once you get past the baggage - I like me. I might actually REALLY like me. Now - love is taking this whole thing too far... but I'm really ok with who I am. Crazy - really.

So - what does this all mean? That it isn't always about me - other people have problems too and sometimes when they are upset - they aren't upset with me - they are just upset. NOVEL concept. I don't have to beat myself up everytime someone is snarky.

I have amazing friends and I DO have amazing family. I have love in my life. I am loved and I do love.

It's working - whatever the hell I'm doing - it's working for now