Sunday, July 10, 2005

So - my fat butt is actually shrinking...

I haven't really shared this in an open forum yet - but I'm a little over a month into Weight Watchers and so far without a whole lot of effort - I have lost 10 lbs. We're making some positive changes and I feel a hell of a lot better. As I've mentioned before - I'm fat. I'm not ok with being fat - but I am ok with me. So - I've reached a point in life where I'm working to lose a lot of things - my guilt, my blame, my clutter, my ass :). So - that's where I am right now.

So - I started with my fat butt being at 330lbs. I'm down to 320 from 6/1. I'm hoping to reach my 10% goal (297 lbs) by August 31.

A lot of my WW buddies have asked me why I feel that I need to do this now? Why is the time right? Why am I ready? What makes me think I can do this? So - my answer could be the easy obvious one - that I want to be better at what I do - I want to be a better mom - I want to play and have fun and not be winded all the time. Yeah - that's part of it, and probably a big part of it. More that that superficial answer though lies the real and harder to admit answers - I want to be a role model for my girls. I want them to be healthy and I want them to not have to constantly battle the ever present body image monster. It's always going to be there - people who will make them feel too tall, too fat, too short, too ugly, too TOO! I want them to know that food is fuel. I want them to be adventurous and active - not holding back from life.

Are there more reasons?
- I don't want to be one of those 35 year old heart attack victims
- I want to be able to buy clothes in the non fat person section
- I don't want to be diabetic
- I want to be able to be a swim instructor
- I want to see what I look like under this fat
- I want to climb mountains
- I want to be able to swim more than 4 laps without being winded
- Ummmm - I just am tired of being fat

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