Lemme give you some advice...

Don't give me advice right now.

Things I'm tired of hearing - especially when I didn't whine about it to you first...

*"Honey - you need to sleep when the baby is sleeping" * uh huh. What exactly do you want me to do with the 22 month old? Let the 5 year old babysit??? I don't think so. Trust me - if I could - I would. I don't see you offering to come and sit with the big kids so I can sleep.

*"oh, you must be so happy Dan's at home with you." * Yes, I am. But see - what I'd be VERY glad of - is for him to get a kick ass job that keeps him out of the house for 40-50 hours a week (or in the home office- but employed). A job that makes him happy. A job that pays our bills and has health insurance. OH - and don't even mention this one to Dan - he likes it less than I do. His response is "yes, I'm estatic to be unemployed"

*the phone ringing at 7am* That would be because I finally fell asleep for the first time at 645am. It's even more annoying when it's the school district calling to ask Dan to sub. This now means that I have to get up instead of sleeping with my FINALLY sleeping newborn. OH - and of course this is the day that I have to wake all three girls up to drop Julia off at preschool. Yes, that's right. All three girls were sleeping - and in the mother of all slaps in the face - I must wake them.

Oh - and if you are my husband - please do not tell me the following:

* that our 24 hour old baby has jaundice because I drank alcohol while I was pregnant before I knew I was pregnant (oh yeah - saying this to a post partum mom might get you killed, and if you aren't dead yet - it will be brought up many, many more times in your lifetime as proof of you being a shit)

* that you can't take turns with the baby because you might have to get up and "work" in the morning. As if I don't have to get up and work. Oh - and don't give me that smug look when you get the call to go in to work and add "see, I knew I'd have to go in". I heard your ass snoring for 7 consecutive hours last night.... how? oh - because I was awake all night and I STILL have to get up at the same time you do. I still have to operate a motor vehicle, feed kids, change diapers, try to clean, deal with screaming kids, deal with temper tantrums. Trust me - teaching PE is not any harder, and I didn't get an hour lunch break away from the kids - with other adults.

* "I can't stop the baby from crying, she's obviously hungry, so take her" OK - just because a baby is crying does not mean they are automatically hungry. In fact - what did I end up doing to calm her??? wrapped her in a blanket and patted her butt. No food was involved. Just because you don't have boobs that lactate does NOT mean mine solve every problem. Oh and that white stuff in plastic bags in the fridge and freezer - that's breast milk too - take a turn and feed her!

Are you getting a feeling that today is not a good day to mess with me? Tomorrow's not looking any better....