This is going to be one of THOSE posts... the long rambling posts that wraps itself around and comes back and detours and then maybe if we're all lucky somehow manages to wind itself back onto the path for a finish. Maybe. If we're lucky.
I love Christmas. Even though I'm tongue tied both spiritually and intellectually about how I feel about it. I believe but I don't. Deep down inside I do believe. I believe in a higher being. I believe in believing. In faith. Yet also somewhere down inside believes in a scientific method, in fact. I guess where I stand is that I don't want to reconcile the two. I like the safety net that my spiritual faith provides me. I NEED that safety net. So for now, until I'm someday ready to take that plunge 100% into either side I will peacefully (mostly) exist somewhere on the fence. I won't get into my feelings on organized religion, or how I feel about religion as part of our government or schools. Let's just say that I'm spiritual but not necessarily religious, although I want to participate in a religion. I love the altruism that is part of a lot of organized religion. I like the community, the common point that religion and more specifically a church provides. I just don't know. That's kind of the point. I don't know.
Now - back to my point, not that I have one. Christmas. CHRISTmas. I love it. I love all parts of it. Santa Claus, the story of the birth of Christ. The angels. The cookies. The pagan trees. The lights. The carols. The presents. As much as I abhor the commercialism behind it all - I buy into it. Giving of gifts, sharing of THINGS with people. Buying things. Gingerbread houses, decorations. I love it. Fa la la la la.
I tell my kids about Santa. I believe in Santa. I believe in the whole reindeer flying hoopla. I desperately wish it was true. I believe in the whole "Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus." I have also told my kids that Santa brings us presents for Jesus' birthday. We give each other presents to share our love and celebrate the birth of Christ.
There is something magical about this time of year. Magical. Something that the commercial Christmas doesn't touch. The ooh and and ahhing from the back seat as we see yet another home decorated in hundreds of lights. The time spent together baking, cooking, decorating, singing and wrapping.
I love those quiet moments. That first day with the tree decorated, when the bright sun goes down and slowly the lights of the tree appear brighter and glow and then slowly fill the room. That smell of pine.
I also love the stories, the movies, the songs. Cuddling in bed reading about Santa and Jesus and snow.
Oh and shopping. I actually like the shopping part. Finding something that you think someone else will enjoy. Finding that gift that will make your child's eyes light up on Christmas morning.
I just love Christmas.