Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Bah Humbug

Oh - wait, is this not the holiday for that?

I don't want to be Debbie Downer - but really! I am just so frustrated. Since August at least, Dan and I have been in a pattern of he works/I watch the kids, I work/he watches the kids, and then we both work. We have had very little time as a family where the 5 of us are together without one of us working. We are OK with this because we're trying to work ourselves out of a deep hole (that apparently has quicksand in the bottom..). It does get old, and it's becoming more and more evident that it's taking it's toll on the kids, which was never our intention.

Don't get me wrong - I know kids are resiliant and they will be fine - and we are trying to spend more quality time together as a family.

The other side of this gripe is that on one hand I firmly feel the hand on my shoulder, that comforting hand, the hand that makes sure no matter how tight it gets, how bare the cupboards get, that things get taken care of to keep us out of real trouble. I also feel that weight on my chest though.. the weight that constantly keeps a tally of bills due and due dates on my mind at all times. The weight that never lets me forget that we're one mis-step away from that trouble. I'm trying to relax, and let some of that stress go. Knowing that we are doing our best right now, and that we will not settle for this, that we will do what it takes to rise above this, that it can't always be like this.

I know this. I really do. It doesn't mean I can't hate the rest of it.

2 comments:

Suzanne said...

I totally hear you....with having to buy a new car at a time we were not expecting to have to buy a new car we're feeling that deep hole with quicksand at the bottom. :)

Keep your chin up!

kam said...

Times are hard for everyone... We're feeling it too. Imagine trying to sell cars in this ecomony. No one wants to spend the money. Toby's stress level is sky high... and he's still not sleeping. I know things will eventually turn around, but I'm still a little scared :(