Blogging is hard...

I don't mean the daily (ok, weekly) task of finding something to write about. Mostly because I'm not striving towards striking it big as a blogger, I just like to blog.

I started this current blog to keep my family apprised on the kids and our life. It was much easier to update the blog than to constantly update our family website. Then I started to really enjoy blogging and it became more sort of a public diary. A place to talk about anything I wanted to. Whether someone was listening or not.

Over the last couple of years I have found myself holding back more and more from what I blog here as my audience grows. Not necessarily the strangers that randomly stumble on the blog, but family and friends who read with a certain amount of regularity.

Today was one of those days. It was a really hard day for me. I wanted to blog and share my stress and pain and situation, but because people who are involved read this blog, I couldn't. I spent all day going back and forth. Finally tonight I settled in to read my blog from my reader. I was drawn to some earlier posts I wrote.

I found what I was looking for. My mom answered my question when she couldn't answer it at all. I wasn't going to blog about this. It isn't my news to share. My parents (or my dad) have chosen to wait to make any calls. I found some comments my mom made on my blog after her other issues, and I know your prayers and positive thoughts meant the world to her. So, I'm going to blog about it. She's knows that's what I do. She knows I love her and she knows I want as many good thoughts heading her way as possible.

As you know. My mom and two of her brothers have had cerebral aneurysms. My mother has had 3 brain surgeries. Today she went in and had an angiogram, which is an invasive diagnostic test to see if she has any new aneurysms.

We received good news. No new aneurysms. WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!

Then the bad news. Mom is having trouble speaking.

My mom had a stroke.

The details of the day remain unclear, and I won't go into details simply because I don't have them. The end of this day did not bring any answers.

She is fine. She will be fine. This stroke appears to be minor and it appears to have only impacted her speech (as far as they can tell) and she can still communicate. Tomorrow will bring more answers hopefully.

My heart still hurts. It's my mom. (Written on Tues. Feb 26)

Update on Mom....

I just heard from my mom. She is out of surgery and is loopy from the drugs but doing ok. They were able to get the coil in - and she said everything went the way it was supposed to.

whew.

Thank you sooooooo much for your comments, emails and calls (even though I had the balls to bitch about the calls... I still appreciated them greatly!). They mean so much to all of us.

WHEW.

Phone - STOP RINGING

I swear - most days my phone never rings. Dan may call my cell phone, but he has a special ring tone and I know it's him from the second it rings.

The 5 dozen telemarketers and well intentioned friends calling are driving me nuts. Every time the phone rings the panic and anxiety build up. Is this the phone call?? Is everything ok?

Is this going to be the phone call that is burned into my memory forever?

Like when my dad called me 9 years ago tomorrow to tell me that my mom had an aneurysm rupture and they weren't sure she was going to make it. I remember where I was, what he said and every moment after that - that ended with me on a plane 5 hours later rushing me to my mom's bedside in Intensive Care.

It has been almost exactly to the day - 20 years since my mom had her first aneurysms clipped in a full craniotomy. That was followed by several grand mal seizures a couple of months later from the scar tissue. Then nine years ago tomorrow she had an aneurysm rupture and another craniotomy. This was followed by a vasal spasming episode that almost killed her. I was there when her blood pressure sky rocketed and I remember them calling for help. The room went from 1 nurse to 10 people working fast and furiously within an unbelievably short amount of time. I remember standing in the hallway calling my Dad who had just left after a long vigil by her side to tell him to come back. I remember watching my parent's friend who was also our doctor come running down the hall to her room.

I sit waiting for that phone to ring again. My brother just called and he was wondering if I had heard anything. We tried to call my Dad but got the voice mail.

I hope he calls soon because I have to leave to go to my doctor's appointment in an hour and I don't want to miss the call.

So now it's just more sit and wait. and wait.

It's that time again... 3rd time the charm?

Thursday my mom will hopefully be having her brain surgery procedure for her cerebral aneurysm. She will be having an endovascular coiling procedure (microvascular coiling thrombosis). They attempted the procedure in October (read here for more info) but were unsuccessful (read the info on that here).

Once again I ask you for your prayers and positive thoughts as my mom goes through this scary time.

It means so much to me that you reach out to her, and I know it means the world to her to know that people are thinking of her.

I am of course selfish in my hope that it goes really well - because she'll be leaving the next week to fly to Michigan for 2 1/2 weeks and then here for 2 1/2 weeks! The girls really miss her and can't wait to see her - so I'm hoping all goes well and she can fly with a successfully coiled aneurysm.

Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

Update on Mom...

Thanks for your kind emails - my mom has scheduled the date for the surgery - Jan 18.

Thank you so much!

Hold on to that thought...

My mom's surgery was bumped as someone had a rupture and those emergencies take precedent over elective surgeries.

So..... hold on to those positive thoughts and prayers as she'll hear soon when her new schedule date will be.

Thanks again - you guys rock!

It's that time again...

It seems like we've been here before... but could I bother ya'll for some more prayers and positive thoughts for my mom? She's heading back to the hospital for a 2nd attempt on the endovascular coiling procedure for her cerebral aneurysm.

I know she's anxious, nervous and scared... and we're all so hopeful that it is a huge success this time.

Your prayers and well wishes meant so much to her last time.

Thank you so much.

Edited to add that my mom's surgery is actually scheduled for tomorrow (Tuesday) but she's leaving today for the hospital. Thanks so much for your emails and comments!