Thursday, January 18, 2007


I swear - most days my phone never rings. Dan may call my cell phone, but he has a special ring tone and I know it's him from the second it rings.

The 5 dozen telemarketers and well intentioned friends calling are driving me nuts. Every time the phone rings the panic and anxiety build up. Is this the phone call?? Is everything ok?

Is this going to be the phone call that is burned into my memory forever?

Like when my dad called me 9 years ago tomorrow to tell me that my mom had an aneurysm rupture and they weren't sure she was going to make it. I remember where I was, what he said and every moment after that - that ended with me on a plane 5 hours later rushing me to my mom's bedside in Intensive Care.

It has been almost exactly to the day - 20 years since my mom had her first aneurysms clipped in a full craniotomy. That was followed by several grand mal seizures a couple of months later from the scar tissue. Then nine years ago tomorrow she had an aneurysm rupture and another craniotomy. This was followed by a vasal spasming episode that almost killed her. I was there when her blood pressure sky rocketed and I remember them calling for help. The room went from 1 nurse to 10 people working fast and furiously within an unbelievably short amount of time. I remember standing in the hallway calling my Dad who had just left after a long vigil by her side to tell him to come back. I remember watching my parent's friend who was also our doctor come running down the hall to her room.

I sit waiting for that phone to ring again. My brother just called and he was wondering if I had heard anything. We tried to call my Dad but got the voice mail.

I hope he calls soon because I have to leave to go to my doctor's appointment in an hour and I don't want to miss the call.

So now it's just more sit and wait. and wait.

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