Along the lines of this self indulgence, this writing, this small part of it that I'm sharing here, I have been stuck in my head.
I've had this happen many times in my life, where I have a series of revelations, epiphanies if you will, where I see things so differently. Then, I get lost.
How do you translate these new found thoughts, understandings, beliefs into your every day life. The place where every one knows you as the person you were. The person you were two days ago. The person you are no longer.
It seems difficult to believe that you can feel so different with no real series of events to lead you. When something tragic or surprising happens in ones life, people expect some form of change. What happens if it just occurs organically?
I think that's where I have found myself. I think of all that has happened in the last 4 years and I'm a completely different person. I have different friends, I left the desert for the ocean, I have 2 more kids, I rent a townhouse, I have one pet. Those things are tangible though. They are evident. The inner turmoil and progression has been mind numbingly slow and scarily swift at the same time.
What runs through my head today is "I am not worried - I am not overly concerned, with the status of my emotions. Oh, she says, were changing. But were always changing" from one of my favorite Counting Crows song.