Have you ever stumbled across someone's blog that was so intensely personal that you really got a glimspe of their life?
I came across a blog the other day while following a link from a friend's blog and I was mesmerized and heartbroken as I read, page by page, as she discussed her grief of losing her little girl just hours after she was born.
I read this blog in the same way I often surf blogs, while nursing Emma. This particular day Emma was excessively miserable as she was congested and had two teeth coming in. She had spent most of the morning crying and was finally sleeping after a long nursing session. I almost felt rude for reading about her loss and pain, and her intense desire to will her baby back to her arms, while holding Emma so close to me.
I sat sobbing for the better part of an hour, reading her entire blog's archives. She shares so clearly the moments of her labor and delivery and then the confusion, fear and grief that she experienced. My entire heart ached for her. She has two other children and so I felt a small sliver of hope for her knowing she wasn't left with completely empty arms, but also knowing after having children what a huge hole her loss will leave in her life forever.
I don't know this woman - but she has been in my thoughts in the last few days since I stumbled across her life. Wondering how she is holding up today.
I know why these blogs are so addictive and what an amazing tool for us to connect across such distance.
Update - I've received many emails about this post, and so I'm including a link to her blog. http://babycatcher33.livejournal.com/ Janice also wanted me to let you know that if you are looking to read about her daughter Abby, that you can look through the archives, read June 9th or look up specific entries in the "memories".